Okay, so I haven't really been having the best start to the year (or decade) and it is starting to take a toll on me. I lost a friend in early January and a week and a half later got dumped by the only guy I've ever really loved. On top of that, my sleep schedule was - and still is - absolutely horrifying to any sane human being. Things are not the best in my world at the moment.
Cue what almost any girl would do: something drastic with their hair.
Me, I reverted to my old ways and bleached my hair before instantly adding another colour. I chose L'Oreal Colorista Semi-Permanent hair colour in the shade #hotpink350. It was a bold choice for me, a person who hasn't dyed my hair an unnatural colour since I was thirteen.
I knew that the process of changing my hair colour was going to take a while, so I did it on a Saturday night when I didn't have to worry about being up early the next day. A night where I was home alone and could watch whatever I wanted on Netflix. I put an old beach towel down on the bathroom counter so that hair dye couldn't ruin it and got to work.
The idea of my hair becoming an incredibly unnatural colour was quite frankly, terrifying, but it was something I felt I needed to do. January sucked for me and I wanted a change that isn't going to be too permanent. Semi-permanent dye was that option. It was also cheaper than getting it done professionally or impulsively getting a tattoo. Eventually, the colour will fade and I can either redo it or, start fresh.
As the dye was developing, I was able to reflect on a lot. Mainly on the fact that my ex had once mentioned that I'd look good with pink hair (I chose pink because I refuse to dye my hair blue and I've already done purple). I've never dealt with having a broken heart before, so this was completely uncharted territory for me. It's an experience that I knew I'd have to deal with one day, but it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Dying my hair is part of how I'm trying to find myself again, because let's be honest, I'm not sure who I am right now. It's not that I was dependent on him, but I did change. I developed as a person and now that I'm on my own, I need to rediscover who I am versus who I want to be. It's a learning experience.
Most people who know me, know that I love the colour yellow. It's a happy colour and I find that I'm having a hard time incorporating the colour into my wardrobe right now when I'm not exactly happy. Over the last month, since I dyed my hair, I've slowly been able to keep yellow with me to brighten up my day. My phone case, headphones, and backpack are all yellow and more often than not, I'm wearing my yellow checkered vans that are worn out and have an exhaust burn on them from the summer. I also had a pretty safe style. Jeans were basically all I wore.
Dying my hair pink has given me the confidence to wear things that I normally wouldn't pair together and despite this cold Canadian winter, I've been wearing more skirts. Given the fact that I literally don't have any money, I can't completely change my whole look, but I'm more willing to step outside of my comfort zone when it comes to my sense of fashion. I'm trying styles that I wouldn't have before and it's because of the pink hair.
Just because I've changed the colour of my hair, it doesn't mean that I'm automatically fixed. I still need time to work on me. Who I want to be and where I want to go in life. I don't know how long that will take, but I'm prepared to take that time.
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